Becoming Difficult

Inconsolable, 10Inconsolable is arrived at through perceiving the situation or myself as irredeemable, irreversible or irretrievable.There appears to be no way back and it starts to feel like torture.Life with no hope is one of deep anguish and repeated thoughts of such despair that the story grows heavier and heavier.Perception is clouded and an ineptness is my constant bedfellow.Everywhere I look, my perceived deficiency renders me valueless.A wretched landscape as far as I can see.Others have described this as a type of torment and torture that is very hard to get on top of because it is invisible.It’s inside of me and I can feel like no one else knows this space or what I’m going through because there doesn’t seem to be anyone in it with me.No one knows how to talk about it or they are perhaps too embarrassed to talk about it.There is a wave in nature where it hits a peak and discharges unless you feed it.What do I do to help this pass?It’s devastating and way too much for one person to deal with.There is a way through this.You can never know how much you love someone/something until they are/it is gone.Am I able to find that love and refocus on that?The powerful feeling of having had them in my life.What does that feel like?I am immersed/consumed in over my head with thoughts and feelings.I will look for the crack of possibility or potential.I will volunteer my services with an organization I choose.How do I find a glimmer of hope?How in the past have I found hope?It becomes difficult to motivate yourself out of sadness or hopelessness and lethargy dulls all joy.Negativity is becoming more pronounced and a person’s spirit dulled to the point where the spark of life is not felt.Begin with Releasing, 63 and do so with a trusted friend, therapist or work colleague.Coming Up NextWhat happens when thoughts become more negative, heavier or darker and the energy to release them is simply not available?What are the common thinking errors that keep people trapped in this level of seeing the world?How can you identify a person at this level and how do you help someone feeling completely alienated from life?The Level of LifelessWhat happens when you don’t get what you want, or get what you don’t want?There is no solid ground to hang on to and a lack of centredness exists.The lowest 10 ways of existing now open up.Inadequate, 9Being in this realm is a very personal space, where all thoughts and feelings are about me and these thoughts and feelings are somehow all against me in some way.This detrimental perspective of oneself begins with some deficiency or ‘not quite good enough’ feeling.Any unsatisfactory outcome is used to reinforce the story that fundamentally there is a flaw of some kind or something about me that is deemed inappropriate by myself.I will be left with an edge of inadequacy that can penetrate relationships and work ethic and infect the team so they start to notice it or even feel it too.There can be guilt that leads to not being enough.How can I see my difference kindly?I am in transition and always learning.I have two left feet.Each of us has our unique qualities.It takes time to learn so why am I putting myself down?I have nothing for you.If I stop focusing on inadequacies I can have an opportunity to keep improving.Learning is empowering.I have something for you, even if I don’t know what it is yet.I’m not really skilled for this.I will start a course, any course.I’ll start small and achieve in steps.Never Enough, 8Feelings of never being enough underlie the belief that I am being ineffective and do not have enough of whatever it takes to be free of the feeling.It can be associated with feeling constantly small, substandard, incapable and a failure at having what it takes for completion.There are constant reminders available in anything that is attempted to suggest not being what is required.Only one thing has to be too challenging or deemed a mistake or failure and the story opens up and the past seems to swallow up the actual achievements and successes.The one thing that wasn’t present as an ability or foresight or whatever was required means that I will never be enough.It is a generalization of inadequacy that makes it very hard to enjoy a task as the story is just waiting to judge me.Here, I can receive mostly compliments from my colleagues but the one criticism is what I focus on exclusively and I use that criticism not to learn something but to bring myself down.Where did all the compliments go?They do not ‘fit in’ or register with the story that is ‘never enough’.The bigger picture is here somewhere.I just don’t know what it is yet.Then I will know I am to be valuable in this space.I don’t belong here, I am not good enough.This situation provides me with a space to find a new skill and to practise it.I’m good at something, what is it?I cause people grief.Lots of people experience despondency.I might trigger that and will look at my role in that with a view to having more empathy.No one asks for my help.When I wasn’t heard, what did I learn to do as a child?How do I offer help?With empowerment or otherwise?Regretful, 7Being regretful arises because I believe more and more the story that I am inadequate or not enough.‘Sorry’ is a common phrase to excuse myself for the oversight or lack that is perceived or real.Remorse is the reaction to what just went ‘wrong’, requiring an apologetic attitude.I can lament that which didn’t give rise to success or whatever I wanted, and I can ruminate on how I could have done it differently, better, smarter or some other way that would ease this dejected feeling.Rehashing the inadequacy builds regret.At this level there is no ability to learn new things as regret takes up all the energy.My inadequacy has once again shown to be who I am and regret seems to be a place I go, more as a default than as a way of working through it.Due to its disempowering nature, working through it is not possible here.It was once considered appropriate for someone to be remorseful as if it was a good thing and that it would lead someone to be a better person than who they were before.It is a type of stuck internal existence that brings a person down instead of motivating them to springboard over 60 and be that improved version of themselves.However, time spent here can help me to realize not to do this to myself but find a way above 60 to help myself out of here and help other people in my life.I am judging others and myself instead of guiding them.How do I learn to guide and support?What can I do differently?I make bad decisions.What criteria am I using?What is ‘that bad’?I will review and learn the lessons.I can also help others to review them.I have poor judgement.Who can show me another way?How could I not see that coming?I am allowed to have numerous attempts before I am expected to learn.Let’s get above 60 now.Wrong, 6At this level I have interpreted or been told that the situation is one where I am in the wrong, or I am at fault by being me.This can lead to feeling like I am personally a mistake.Someone may have been referring to an aspect of my behaviour but the trap is that I experience it as ‘I am all wrong’ or ‘They think that’s what I am, wrong, that that’s me’.Wrong starts to define me and the story grows.Instead, a victim mentality arises, reinforcing the negative story that weighs a person down with ‘Yeah, that’s me, another mistake’.I am convinced that this is me, my identity – I am flawed, weird, different.This story is an exaggeration.I can begin to change myself by letting go of this negative interpretation.It’s my fault, my mistake.How can I know accepting mistakes leads to humility?They or I am displeased or disapprove of me or what I did, do, represent.What can I learn from that which has been perceived to be wrong?I can be a better person from it if I study it.I may default to an adult/child relationship, where I am the child.What is the situation that promotes that?What would it take to remain the adult?Embarrassed, 5Being embarrassed follows on from feeling wrong in some way.The wrong is embarrassing and something I want to avoid or hide away from and keep secret.I want to shrink up and disappear at the apparent lack of something like wisdom, understanding or the right thing to say or do.It seems to be all about getting it ‘wrong’ according to my or someone else’s set of rules, doctrine or expectations.I didn’t give them what they wanted or I didn’t manage to give myself what I want so I took a deep dive down into dishonouring myself or my team.I can feel indebted to the other for personally being so ‘wrong’.Showing the other person or team I feel bad can be a learned subconscious pattern, like saying ‘I’m sorry’ without having to say anything.What’s done is done, it’s history.How can I now become a better version of myself from this experience?What will they think of me?What they think of me is very important.How do I begin to become more solid in my own uniqueness?Hold on to my positive rather than let negative get a hold of me?Can I take that back?I cannot change what just happened but I can definitely change the story or tile that interprets the event.If only it were different.If only I were different.The past cannot be different.Who I become from what my story is can definitely be different and I can start by choosing a higher tile that interprets the situation in a positive way.Burden, 4Feeling like a burden is a more intense experience of guilt, where not only is there a personal, internal attack on my character or performance but the ‘other’ person or team is taken into account and I feel guilty that I am affecting them detrimentally.I can feel like I am a heavy weight for others and that they would be better off without me.I may leave and not even tell anyone why as it is ‘better for everyone’ without me ‘interfering’.It feels like me being present is a strain on others and that I will encumber the progress.I feel myself to be a liability and a ‘best outcome’ will not be achievable if I am involved.In some way, the team project is hampered, even handicapped, by me being part of it.The story has really grown substantially for me to perceive that I am overloading the unfolding with whatever negative quality I have or absence of some positive quality that I should have.I am a millstone around someone’s neck and adding to the hardship of workload for the others in some way.Maybe I am dead wood or an albatross and it is best I am not part of it.It is easier to abdicate into this story and leave than put myself back in the ‘firing line’.I feel I am creating more work for my team, therefore slowing them down – a hindrance.What am I afraid of if I were to contribute or join in?Was there ever a time when I contributed or joined in and it was wonderful?If so, how do I remember that constantly and motivate myself with that feeling?They would be better off without me.I am a dead weight in this relationship/position/project.What makes me believe I am a dead weight?How do I get past the victim and find a role model or mentor for myself?Who can I ask for guidance?In the meantime, what can I contribute?I can’t change, even if I want to.I made it up some time ago.It’s not me, it’s a negative story.Apparent failures are a doorway to learning what not to do for as many times as it takes.Unlovable, 3This tile appears as a deep sense of unworthiness.It is like somewhere, sometime, someone forgot to help me understand I am lovable by not showing me or telling me.Maybe my parents or caretakers were unable to or too busy, or simply didn’t know how to truly love me when I was younger.I looked for a sense of self by listening and watching others to see if I was lovable.What feedback did I get?I was like a sponge, just soaking it all up, and it may not have been the message that I was loved.And that still sits deep inside of me, at my core.This can feel very empty, like a hole.I may not have learned how to like myself.Without being loved from the outside means there is a place that remains waiting for the validation that being loved brings.This is when someone ‘out there’ is not loving me because I am unlovable.I might use any addictive substance or situation to get away from this part of myself.I need to like myself.What can I do that inspires me and would help me to feel good about myself?To be my own best friend, what could I do differently?Good things happen to others.This is because they hold good beliefs about themselves.What good beliefs do I hold about myself?What am I scared of, if good things were to happen to me?I listen to a story that comes from not being good enough for someone who Wars - tic tac too flash game. needed me to be a certain way.Where is the story that promotes me in a good way?I don’t get picked/invited because of what I am.How do I let people decide who they want on the team?How can that happen?What am I in my story that leads to not being picked/invited?Do I do that to others?Pathetic, 2It is one thing to be unlovable because I am not seen or understood, but what if I am seen and understood and judged very harshly?I may be told externally or internally that I am obnoxious, a waste of space or unwished for.It can be that somehow, I am very low on the ladder of achievement or hierarchy.I may be a shadow of my former self or someone who simply hasn’t lived up to any potential and so I am condemned for that, according to the story that lives at this level of Entrapment.I might even be considered to be plain bad or irredeemable as a friend, colleague or employee.This can be accompanied by a feeling of being cast out, castigated or excommunicated on account of being pathetic as in some way I am undeserving of staying.Perhaps I am deemed tainted in some way or inferior to the point where I am unable to be around.The story has really deepened as certain things about my nature are highlighted.Anything that seems to make me different can and will be used against me down here by my internal story, the inner judge in me.I either give up or get going.I choose to get going.What feelings lead me to this way of living?What can I do to begin a new way of living?How did I miss that?Remember times when I didn’t miss it?Remember how good that felt?If I have felt it once and acted from it, then I can do it again.Next time I will hold on to it a little bit longer.I am an embarrassment to myself and to my team.I am using a small percentage of my mind’s capacity.I need a role model to show me how to become more.I am more than my past feelings.I am more than my personality.I am more than what ‘they’ say I am.I am more than what I think I am.What do I have to contribute to this?Ask someone I admire what they perceive I have contributed in the past and now do everything to connect with that quality or skill again.If it’s from the external, I have no choice but to believe it.I am not important enough to love or even like.It can feel like a type of punishment doled out by others or myself and wears me down.Despising myself is debilitating, but seemingly warranted as the only way to deal with my perceived ugliness, stupidity, wrongness or whatever is presented.It is just a story, no one is perfect.How can I be better than this?What do I have to release?Where did this story come from?A judgement comes from a judge.The judge usually comes after an event.I am more than this.What can I do to change this?How do I step out of victim mode?That’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.I don’t have to believe it.What can I replace it with?Who I am is endlessly flawed.Flawed is relative and collects biased evidence.