Lessening Remorse

So, I start to feel jealousy or envy.This is a mild form of hate and it may not even be acted upon.Here, at this approach to life, the ‘other’ deserves punishment and I deserve retribution and the energy percolates and builds.In its milder form, it creates sulking, a type of withdrawal of love, attention or presence.At a deeper level, it creates ‘bad blood’ in relationships.At its darkest, it can feel venomous and toxic, full of animosity and feelings of separation and seeking revenge.How do I start to share how I feel without becoming a victim?I need to learn how to own my feelings.If only I had what you had, I would be okay and I wouldn’t have to be reacting in this way.I am deflecting, taking the responsibility away from myself.I own I am not okay and strive to work through this.What help can I get from an code therapist or coach?This feeling I have against you is building.I will ask for a courageous conversation so we have the opportunity to express what we value.Whatever you are, represent or remind me of, I am starting to react against it.I will explore what you do that triggers me so I can understand the reasons behind it.I need to witness these and express them calmly.Deceiving, 44Resentful energy can build up and this puts more pressure on a person.A person can then become deceptive so that his ability to control things to get what he wants isn’t compromised.I distort the truth.I exaggerate the story.I manipulate the facts.I believe in my distortions until perhaps my illusion of what happened becomes a delusion.I pretend something did or did not happen.I fake emotions to get what I want.I’ll try being cunning and sly so no one will catch on.I fool them into believing me or outright cheat if I have to, but cover my tracks and don’t get caught.I’ll mislead, send them down the wrong path, fake it, be insincere or take it to the extreme and be corrupt.I can be wily, misinforming or create a scam.Being shady, shrewd and sly will help me deceive.How I am with other people will come back to me eventually in some way.It will stay on my conscience and I need this to be clear from now on.There is no problem with misleading others.False information is everywhere.I will start to treat others how I would like to be treated.I cannot justify my behaviour because others do it.I will set the example.I have to cover my tracks.I will have to live with the lie or secret for the rest of my life.Everybody is a generalization.Deceit causes illness.Avoid confrontation.Do whatever it takes to avoid.Confession is the way out.I will own it and free myself of the burden of carrying the lie.Disclosing the truth will set myself free and I can start anew.Confronting, 43Being confronting is where I step up my aggression rather than hiding it and I confront the situation/person directly and impose some force to get what I want.Being exact in what is required can be advantageous for me and confronting for the other person.It creates a challenge and may be experienced as too hard, rough or awkward.It can seem like a contest at times.There may be a daring element to the confrontation, presenting unwanted consequences if demands are not met.If things are complex, the situation can become arduous and confusing.There can be no time for explaining or niceties, especially if the demanding is severe.What is it about their behaviour that really pushes my buttons?Because of unfairness, I am fighting back.What am I not owning within myself that makes me need to resort to confronting someone with aggression?What do I need to change to have more fairness?Am I being unfair anywhere?I have a right to force my boundaries on to you without consideration of consequences for you or the team.Is the one I am confronting acting like a mirror for me to see something about me?How can I deliver empowered boundaries?Maybe I should also have a good look at myself and why I need to resort to forcing another person to be different.I am to stop forcing others to stop doing something.Intimidation is a usual ingredient, where the other person is deliberately made to feel small, useless, excluded, upset or belittled in some way.The bully is harassing someone on the basis of their education, gender, age, skin colour, country of origin, intelligence or anything else he/she can find.What does the bully get from this threatening behaviour?I feel superior, satisfied through retribution, in control and the pleasure of controlling someone keeps me distracted from the lack I feel at a core level.Persistent unwanted attention is one way of bullying or a short burst of abusive browbeating.Other forms are bulldozing, hounding, domineering and intense heckling.Just being in someone’s face with aggression or using scare tactics is bullying control.The bully can be admonishing, either in public or in private, in their mistreatment of the other person.The bullying can feel justified as warranted.I am behaving immaturely here.A younger part of me is still in developmental delay and believing I can get away with this.I don’t care about your feelings, I need to express mine.Your feelings are important too.I need to ask others to provide me with feedback when I am doing it and be open to their constructive feedback.You are either with me or against me.If you are against me, you’re fair game.We’re all in this together.Instead of taking sides, can we be one team?I get a buzz out of treating you as a subordinate, an object, a transaction or somehow less than.How would I feel on the receiving end of this energy?The buzz is egotistical and always comes at a price to the other person first and eventually me.Enraged, 41Enraged isA person has perhaps lost touch momentarily with their humanness and returns to acting within animal instinct, which gives rise to fighting to survive.It doesn’t matter as the fury is unleashed with little or no regard for the consequences.Can I see it’s all about me?I want something and I am using other people to get it.What do I need to change so I do it myself?What is in the way of me realizing the outcome with integrity?Why am I so desperate for superiority?Can I allow myself the time to explore what is behind this toxic attitude?Realizing I am expressing my needs while excluding the ‘other’.What do I need to do to be more tolerant?This is how I have been programmed, conditioned to be.I deliberately place myself in situations where I am not entitled to have multiple opportunities to explore this.How can I begin to explore beyond my comfort zone?Malicious, 40Maliciousness is a type of calculated rage.It is the bully with a big sting – vicious, tyrannical, hostile, brutal.Nastiness creeps into the delivery of the Controlling energy and the delivery is hostile.There can be an undercurrent of spite as the thing that was wanted is not being given or forthcoming.The idea is to ‘take it out’ on the one considered responsible for the crime.Malevolence, meanness and cruelty are examples of a malicious attitude.Hate is present and being projected on to the accused.There can be sinister, even wicked or vile expletives, descriptions and accusations.Vindictiveness prevails and often an excuse of being a victim to some perceived deprivation will accompany the attack.Poisonous words, expressions and delivery make for a foul exchange.Acrimonious, bitter, caustic, sarcastic, cutting condemnation can be present as the intention is often to hurt the other person (木) 16:34:24url=http://cleaningthedishes.blogspot.com into submission so as to get what is wanted.Doing this feels toxic.It is not integrous, it creates disharmony in the team and me.My resentment has built up and now it’s my turn to get you to feel what it’s like.This is eating me up.I need help to release this.The past is done, it’s over.I must stop polluting the team and myself with this.Exceptional leaders do not do this.I will show you what happens when you take from me, challenge me.I don’t want to seek revenge.I will deliberately seek revenge and retribution.I must learn to recontextualize the event.What do I react most to?Is there a theme to my reacting?What is forgiveness?The end doesn’t justify the means at this level and in the long run creates negative consequences for all involved.This can be very unconscious in how it plays out.Adrenaline is activated to prepare for fight or flight.Start with tile 71, Witnessing.Watch and take note of when you are being the perpetrator by wanting something Wars - tic tac too flash game. and how you go about accessing it, when you try to control others or situations and when your desires may blind you to the bigger picture.Coming Up NextWhat happens when the pattern of wanting a particular outcome and attaining it through Controlling others becomes really ingrained in a person?What is the toughest gateway to be mastered in order to attain a more powerful way of interacting that does not use force?It feels like I only have to repeat the Controlling behaviour or suggest to others that I may have to repeat that behaviour and I can get what I want.I start to inflate myself with my ability to get what I want.They can rely on fiscal reports and shareholder returns to justify themselves.I resist advisors’ suggestions, take more credit for successes than are due and blame others for my own failings or shortcomings.I am prone to lapses in my professional judgement and personal conduct and I am distrusting, rejecting and destroying of loyal supporters.I can possess narcissistic arrogance, which is associated with difficulties in interpersonal relationships.I will ignore important input from third parties such as the wise counsel of external consultancies, or fellow peers.Because of this, the slightest mishap or misstep by a follower can provoke dangerously exaggerated reactions.I have a lack of empathy.Empathy is considered a key aspect of emotional intelligence – a leadership trait that is just as important as other traits.Empathy is a precursor to other emotional abilities but also cognitive leadership abilities such as perspective taking and pattern recognition, which in turn creates positive leadership outcomes.As empathy starts at 60 and above, I miss out on this vitally important ingredient.I have inner feelings of having to prove myself and a lack of insight about myself.It can be suggested that every leader needs an element of egocentrism in order to function ‘effectively’.Interestingly, some of the greatest leaders have had narcissistic tendencies.However, these leaders experience common fallacies.These include a belief that their interests are paramount, a belief that they know everything, a belief that they will get away with everything.Consequently, all of their decisions have moral consequences.There is an attitude of having made it, being able to get what is wanted in life, and so life is great.In fact, these levels will borrow all the 60–100 words to convince itself and others that there is no need to look further, get counselling, ask those who might know more or delegate to another.Below 60 focuses on what it can get from the world.There is no team mindset.How great the feeling is depends on how close to 100 a person is.Compare this to 60 and above, which may say ‘I did this for you,’ because they actually did.Not Buying In, 59Not Buying In is a space where I probably do not know that I am resistant as I cannot see that something separates me from understanding something or some trait at a deeper level.The last bastion of my Ego Mind, it appears to have the capacity to block me from hearing, seeing or understanding another way of living.This is the last step before the Witness Mind takes over, which is an entirely new way of seeing life, so Ego puts up a wall between itself and another type of mind.Ego, which is tiles below 60, looks after itself first, whereas above 60, others are served.The deeper truth of another way is shrouded or obscured here.Above 60, behaviour can appear cryptic and unavailable to Not Buying In as Ego envelopes itself for protection.Watch someone trying to be convinced of a new way of approaching a situation and he can appear screened, enveloped and unable to comprehend.Not Buying In can be like a type of shutdown, hanging on to a private world.Why would I want to change?I don’t need to – I’m doing fine already.Here, it’s easy to suggest and even believe that what is being proposed has no credibility.It is not believable or outside the scope of understanding so is not needed, required or even worth thinking about.It’s all ‘too hard’ or justified away in preference for what the Ego thinks.Attempting to enthuse someone who is listening from this tile can be difficult.Attempting to convince someone living from this tile can be even more difficult.I believe I have it all worked out and to entertain an idea that falls outside the scope of my own comprehension is not possible.Can I change why I do something so it is more for others than me, or at least it is about the other as well as me?Leave me out of this!You agree with me so I like you.Real Trust is where I must align until that is my natural state, to trust my intuition.I hear you, but I’m stubborn.Stubborn is a learned behaviour.I can unlearn it and be humble.Teams achieve much more and reach higher levels when gifted with humility.Here, I am feeling satisfied and pleased with myself.It’s as close to fulfilled as Ego can get.I have what I want and believe that’s all I have to do to stay feeling good.I might even say I am content, but it is dependent on keeping what I want, so it is very conditional.If that changes, I lose the feeling and have to drop back down into Controlling level.Here, I rely on Controlling to get what I want.Change doesn’t make sense as I can get what I want by doing what I am already doing.Go bother someone else.I can relax without the stress of trying to improve or being way better than I already am.Here, people need to stay as they are to fulfil Ego requirements for safety and comfort.I am indifferent to anyone offering me a better way or feedback on my performance if it is challenging.This is a good defence mechanism against having to look at myself.I have a handle on things.I will stop/start when I am ready.I don’t have a lot of drive for doing anything other than what I already am.Isn’t what I have achieved enough?I think I am successful.There is a sense of security here but it’s all based on continuing to get what I think I want.It might have become nagging or complaining because I didn’t listen when it was gentle.Did I listen and didn’t do anything about it because I didn’t want to, or know how to?How easy is it to get what I want?No matter how good it currently is, change is life and it is essential.How can I embed that so it stays in my brain?Time to have a change in mindset.I don’t need to look at consequences.Nothing will happen to me.This is a false belief.What I do to others comes back to me in some similar way, shape or form.Isn’t that just a belief, an idea?Can’t see it having any relevance to me.This is because I haven’t studied or learned about it.There is so much more to life than what I can physically see.Ego Confidence, 57At this level a person needs to resist considering doing something someone else’s way, or differently, to what seems to be already working well.It believes it can repeat what it has been doing ad infinitum.Change doesn’t make sense as I can get what I want by doing what I am already doing.The belief around what makes me happy is attached to whatever means I used at the level of Controlling or Wanting to get what I required.I just repeat that and feel like I can keep doing that and I may not want to hear that this is affecting other people in a negative way.I develop a sense of self based on the story version I have created about myself and repeatedly refer to the times I have succeeded by Controlling others.This is what a belief is.Repeatedly referring to the past when I have succeeded by Controlling and projecting that into the future.This gives Ego a platform on which to operate ‘in the world’ and is required to back itself in times of doubt, feel adequate when others doubt it, believe in itself when others don’t and predict a future outcome with some confidence.And why refer to mistakes or errors?They are to be avoided or hidden in order to stay at Ego Confidence.