Morning Takeaways

The absence of what has now become an essential requirement results in a deeper urge or craving.Hooked, dependent, reliant, fixated and tunnel vision are all applicable in this Entrapment.I need to fill up on this constantly and I need my fill now!It is my internal lack that seeks the external fill.What can I do about that?Just one more is a trap, a lure.I can’t let go of it now but I will stop tomorrow.The addiction presents as a strong wave and I can ride it out, knowing it will pass.In time it will dissolve as I redirect my mind and energy.I can fix things by having what I want over and over and over.It’s not that I will live without that which I am addicted to, but that I will live with something new that will be healthier for me.Then I can have that over and over, promoting wellness.Perfectionist, 31Perfectionism is a special type of intense Wars - tic tac too flash game. addiction.The perfectionist really narrows down on the detail required to get what is wanted.Happiness or satisfaction is evasive until the story is satisfied and when the story is satisfied, there may be more of a sense of relief than happiness.The narrowing down can be mild to extreme.An example of the latter is becoming so meticulous that every detail is accounted.Criticism of self or others for the lack of achievement of the details can arise.Accuracy can become overly important.Painstaking measures may be required and rigorous procedures may need putting into place.Punctuality, methodical, fastidiousness and precision can all play their part in attempting to achieve what is believed within the story to be required to move forward.I may even create a story of a utopian situation and stop at nothing to achieve that.It may be rigorous and painstaking but the perfectionist remains on task, motivated deeply by the external event or outcome that will bring happiness or relief from unhappiness.A perfectionist is driven to be meticulous, pedantic, finicky and nitpicking.There are negative consequences for others in the team, such as delays and getting lost down a rabbit burrow.We can celebrate rigorous exactness and precision but overcritical, dogmatic fault finding can move a team away from its best performance.‘Burnout’ is not what I choose.Right is subjective.I can scale the Entrapment.If the outside world is in ‘order’, I can feel better and more in control on the inside.Let’s order the inside aspects of the mental, emotional and physical worlds and systematically deal with them.The relationship to the external world will then be more flowing and less controlling.If I can’t do something perfectly, I won’t do it at all.I may have a fear of not being in control or not being good enough.Where did ‘perfect’ start?Who did I need to be perfect for initially?I have to prove myself to myself and others.A minimum viable product that can be delivered and built upon is best.Proving myself never ends.Perfection is pressure.I am to be myself, find myself on the code.Infatuated, 30Infatuation is the extreme end of an addiction where time, effort and life itself is being handed over to the story that has now built to such an extent that it controls the person.The story is running the show and I am along for the ride.I have little choice and the story sweeps me up so that I am in my own very narrow ‘reality’.A type of fixation or obsessiveness has overtaken this part of my life in a way that is Footer&af_web_dp=http://appropriateselection.blogspot.com not healthy long term.If the centre of attention is a person, I will idolize that person.I can put them on a pedestal and expect or demand them to fulfil the expectations that accompany infatuation.I can deeply believe that the object of my infatuation is going to ‘solve all my problems’, ‘release me from my torment’, or will be the ‘project of a lifetime’.There may be a correlation between how much entrapment I feel below 30 and the level of the ‘escapism’ that is required.The more pain, the more I can use infatuation to get away from it.This extreme narrowing down, without Wisdom or Intuitive Mind involved, can lead a person into becoming fixated on the perceived ‘here is everything I ever needed’, which is an Entrapment as it is an object outside of the person.This can be the mania part of manic depressive.The meaning of an object, person or situation is dependent on the observer, me, so I can shift my attitude.I must hold on to this because losing it would mean losing all sense of happiness and meaning.What is lacking in my life that I am using this to fill me?Where else can I find ‘meaning’ and ‘happiness’?How do I generate that without relying on external conditions?Losing this would mean sliding down into stress, so I must do all that I can to hold on to it.What would cause me stress if I lost this?What am I afraid of?Is this a distraction away from the core issues that I really need to look at?It feels so good to give deep meaning and value to something external as it lifts me out of myself.This will create an endless wanting so I need to find help to look at myself and change myself.How a person seeks to attain something, the motivation behind the seeking and the effects of the seeking all have particular consequences on working teams and relationships.Coming Up NextWhat happens when a leader does not get what he wants?What is the difference between being persistent and being controlling?What are the sensations felt in the body that alert a person to being stuck in a forceful way of interacting?Are you using force or power to affect the direction in which your company, team or family is heading?The Level of ControllingIf I do not get what I want or what I don’t want, I then move into an outlook of life that increases my efforts to retain the desired outcome by controlling the situation or others.There can be a compulsion to repeat controlling behaviours that I learned in my past because these have worked somewhere with somebody and are now an essential part of my controlling toolkit.An impulse to get something from ‘out there’ can make someone or something in the outside world seem like it’s the answer ‘worth fighting for’ and the story can be that control and force are essential to getting.Some leadership positions are incredibly difficult for individuals to successfully perform.In these instances, leaders are, in effect, set up to fail.Others have impossible tasks trying to lead corrupt, incompetent organizations that resist Incredible Leadership.These are situations where as a leader I could easily default to controlling.I start judging other people and projects based on whether I get the results I want.Judgement is a type of control.So, what do I do when something goes wrong?The team’s ability is stretched, endurance and stamina are tested.Your team is underachieving.Do I derail or try to control everything?Micromanage and not delegate?A leader’s relentless drive to achieve more and more with fewer and fewer resources can lead to controlling tiles being activated.This old style of leadership results in exhaustion, lack of motivation and burnout.They feel overcome by pressure and tend to run away from their problems and the stressful situation often by judging other people or projects.This scapegoating behaviour can create a very politicized organization torn by rivalry, bullying and competitiveness.In 72 per cent of cases the bullying was carried out by a manager.These leaders are prone to negative emotions and are likely to be callous, antagonistic, fearful of subordinate initiatives and prone to exhibit exhaustion.This disruptive behaviour can result in corruption, hypocrisy, sabotage and manipulation.Behaving in this controlling way as a leader gives permission subconsciously to other subordinates to behave in this way if they in turn have subordinates.Many leaders who do not outwardly use controlling behaviours can turn inwards.Sceptical, 49Why am I not getting what I want?What is being offered here?What am I being sold?Is there anything here I want?What do they want from me?Do they have what I want?What am I getting myself into here?This is a place of disbelieving.Sceptical is negative as it perceives the other person as an enemy rather than a person to understand.It is better to be suspicious than gullible is one storyline.I have probably been tricked, conned or manipulated into something before, so I am trying to work out if someone has an agenda or scheme.I might believe you do have an agenda at this tile so I look for any evidence to support that.If I borrow this approach many times, I may even become cynical, finding a way to feel dubious about anything new.There can be a lot of questioning and to stay at this level, it is required that I remain unconvinced.I am not getting what I want, but I’m not falling for any trap either.It is a place where I ‘put on hold’ any agreement to get what I want as it is unclear exactly what is being offered and the person is compelled to try harder to convince me otherwise.Here, team members are kept at arm’s length by doubting, disbelieving and distrusting them.A person is stuck in ‘unsure’ and indecisive as to how to proceed to ensure the desired outcome is achieved.I don’t believe your view has as much merit as mine.This blocks my growth and progress.How would I feel if this was done to me when I tried to explain myself to others?I stay convinced your perspective is flawed and I do this in silence.It’s best to share what I am feeling about but can I do it without judgement?Do I feel vulnerable?How can I be okay with a difference of opinion and not build a wall?I am not going along with you.What is it that I object to?Can I stay open when I feel this?Am I afraid of something?I assume based on my past.Assumptions limit (木) 16:32:15url=http://appropriateselection.blogspot.com the potentials.The past is an indicator only and limits opportunities.What do I do to get to Witness and Wisdom Mind?Frustrated, 48Frustration arises when I feel the pangs of not getting what I want.I may have been thwarted, deceived or unheard and a disgruntled feeling arises.It is a mild heat and activates a stronger sense of having to have the required object or outcome.I am dissatisfied and can use this energy to try to motivate myself or others by increasing the sense of urgency of having to have the required objects or outcome.Me being displeased can send someone else towards being stressed at my reaction or they may want to please me more.However, if they are sensitive it can also send them to despondency or depression.At this type of trying to control I might experience disgruntled, irritated, disillusioned or hindered.They are all expressions of a mild form of controlling others or myself through frustration.The accompanying irritation makes me ‘hot under the collar’ or like a ‘cat on a hot tin roof’ and I start to mildly blame myself or others for not getting what I want.There can be some perceived shortcoming like forgetfulness or lack of respect or being treated in some way that is deemed inappropriate or not what the person wants.An expectation has been set up at Wanting and it’s not quite come to fruition yet.The meeting running overtime or not starting on time can be good triggers.What do I not like about it?When did that start to be important to me?Can I let go of the requirement or expectation if I can’t control it?I don’t like how this is going.I will put my energies into finding that better way than being lost in the drama of the moment.What am I doing that might interfere with the result?Is it meant to be going in another direction I don’t want it to?I am starting to see I am not getting what I want.What is really happening here?Can I let go of Wanting?I can feel an agitation with what is happening now.How much does it mean to me?Am I able to change that or the way I react?Agitation means powerlessness so what will it take to let go of the agitation and speak from a place of calm?Annoyed, 47If frustration has not acquired the outcome, annoyed may arise as a bigger expectation or demand presents itself.Perhaps the outcome has not been delivered quickly enough or exactly enough or something else enough.I have been mistreated in some way and it is not the first time.Annoyed can range from quite unhappy to rough, riled or cross.It is a deeper expression of discontent.I am not pleased by the unfolding events and I can be easily insulted or really disillusioned by lack of success.An antagonistic attitude may lead me to becoming the perpetrator in a scenario where the other person is going to become a victim if I do not get my way.Although annoyed can be justified away through statements like ‘Well, wouldn’t you have?’ or even ‘Everyone gets annoyed sometimes,’ this is only true of those who still get angry and those who don’t have another way of dealing with the perceived unfairness.It would be laziness that is present in a person who activates the tile of annoyed.If annoyance continues unabated as a way of dealing with life’s issues, a person can learn to ‘bottle it up’ so that he seems passive but aggression is never far away.Here can exist feelings of being provoked, hassled or aggravated.Frustration has been exacerbated and feelings of ‘fed up’ or riled arise.Really, is it that important?There are many examples in my own life where I needed multiple practices or reminders so that I could ‘get it’.We all learn at a different pace.This is going in the wrong direction for me.Patience is a virtue.I’ll go in deeper to see if I am able to steer this in a different direction without force.Can’t anyone see I’m not getting what I want?What is so important to me that I need others to see?What do I get from that that I can’t provide for myself?What is going on for me to have to rely on others seeing me?Is anyone noticing that I’m missing out?How can I assist others with perceived inabilities?Behaving calmly satisfies some learnt conditioning regarding proper and respectfully responding to events but if feelings of frustration are being generated without understanding what causes them by employing the Wisdom Mind then the tension and heat energy of frustration and annoyed build up.The charge has to go somewhere.This can be the tantrum of the toddler, where it just becomes too much in the moment to accept that he can’t have what he wants.Snarling comments or putting someone down can occur in the aggressive phase and the ‘silent treatment’ can occur with the passive phase.Waiting and patience haven’t been developed perhaps and the urge to ‘have’ is just too strong.Some teenagers use this orientation and some adults are still throwing tantrums with little to no awareness.During the release, there can be accusations as a part has finally found expression or there may just be a loud, long scream if the person knows how to release without the venom being directed anywhere.I will begin to set boundaries.Let’s start small with ‘safe’ people and have achievable targets.I’ll watch out for hidden expectations and assumptions.I am feeling powerless right now.I will take this away with me and build anger around it, but not express it.I will have a courageous conversation with someone about how annoyed I am and release the tension through exposing it without blaming the person.I will not get angry but will show them my disapproval another way.I will scream or punch the anger into sport, a pillow, a run, a swim or write it out in a journal.I will find out why the anger builds and what triggers it.I find it hard to set boundaries.Suppression of feelings doesn’t work.What will it take to find someone to make a gentle boundary to start with?Who can I speak to about what I need to stay well?Resentful, 45Resentful can be felt as a simmering, prolonged heat arising from the bitterness of being denied something that Ego wants.A hostility is building that feels like a type of pain from not getting what is desired, so instead of just a burst of frustration or aggression in between moments of passiveness, a ‘here, you feel what it’s like!’ or ‘now you miss out’ arises.The dynamic of being told ‘I can’t have it’ is packaged with a grudge and it sits in my energy field.I can push it down, or fantasize with it to build all sorts of ways at ‘getting back’ at the perceived antagonist.